Hot Drink Liquids script #1 Finished

Hot Drink Liquids
Episode 38b – “She’s Alright, She’s Alright”
EXT- Entrance to shop
GILLIS is sitting outside the shop, playing his harmonica, stacks of boxes. GREG and BRANDON come up.
GREG
Mornin’ Gillis!

GILLIS
Boys! Whack la fol de rol de daddy-o!

BRANDON
It’s 8 in the morning, Gillis. How are you already drunk?

GILLIS
I’m just getting a headstart on the day, boys! Now, I got ya books f’ the week!

GREG
Great, let’s get the shelves stocked up then.

The boys take the boxes into the back room, and start to unpack. To their surprise, every box is filled with massive bags of white powder.

GREG
Oh…. Uh…. This…. This isn’t Spiderman….

BRANDON
Oh god. Oh god! What is this??

Gillis drunkenly looks in on them.

GILLIS
Looks like about 100k. If ya boys had told me ya were changing ye business, I’da informed ya of a purchasa.

GREG
How the hell did this happen? We wanted comics, Gillis, not… HEROIN!

GILLIS
That’d be cocaine, actually, boys. Pure and uncut, it is.

GREG
I don’t care if it’s ECSTACY! It’s sure as hell not Wolverine #213!
GILLIS
Aye, right ye are. (Gillis smiles happily)

BRANDON
Gillis. What. Happened. To our comics??

GILLIS
Good question, boys, good question indeed.

FLASHBACK: Gillis is outside a warehouse, drunkenly looking at the boxes in his truck. The camera blurs, and he pulls out a stack of boxes labeled for “734 Beat Street” and drops them in front of a door labeled “134”.

GILLIS
Ah… I MAY have mixed up th’ packages.

BRANDON
What are we going to do?

GREG
We have to get our comics back. Gillis, do you know where these boxes were supposed to go?

GILLIS
Ah, why doncha just check th’ address label?

(beat)

GREG & BRANDON
Oh. Right.

(“commercial” Break)

Greg and Brandon get off the bus in a shady-looking warehouse. The bus door closes, there is a gunshot noise. They both throw themselves to the ground.

BRANDON
Oh god. We need to get our books back before we get got.

GREG
…what?

BRANDON
Er… Killed.


GREG
Ah. Use English from now on.

BRANDON
*sigh* Right.

Anyway, what do we do now? I mean… we can’t just go up and TALK to them, can we? They ordered a dozen boxes of cocaine through the MAIL. They must have some serious pull. We’d never be seen again! I can’t die single, Brandon! I can’t!

Brandon stands, pulling Greg along with him. Brandon grips Greg firmly by the shoulders.

BRANDON
Focus, man! What are they going to do with comics? We’ll just offer a trade and explain we won’t press criminal charges. It’s in everyone’s best interest to go along, got it?

GREG
R-right. *deep breath* Okay. Let’s go talk to them.

Brandon and Greg approach the door cautiously. They knock, and a rough-looking gentleman opens it and glares at them.

Greg
Um. Hi. My name is Gregory Vigoda. Me and my friend Brandon Law here own Hot Drink Liquids over on the 700 block. We… uh… We got your shipment by mistake, and we think you got ours. Boxes of comics? We’d… We’d just like to trade your… uh… stuff back for ours… We don’t want ANY trouble…

The man grunts “Okay” then closes the door.

Greg
See Brandon? No trouble at all.

Cut to Brandon and G regtied up in the warehouse.

Brandon
…I hate you sometimes.

Cut to black/commercial.

Greg
What the hell, guys? I swear, we’re not gonna narc on you! Why can’t we just take our comics and go?

THUG #1
Yeah… sorry bub. That’s not happening.
Brandon
Well why not? We just want our comics back!

Thug #1
We’re keeping them.

Greg
But… why?? What possible good do they do you?

Thug #1
We like ‘em. Especially the ones with Scrooge McDuck.

Brandon
But there’s dozens of copies of each comic in there! Why do you need to keep them all?

Thug #1
Chainsaw wants to start collecting them.

Brandon
Ch-Chainsaw?

Chainsaw grunts.

Brandon
Oh. Then… what are you going to do?

Thug #1
We’ll leave Chainsaw to guard you, go get our shipment from your store, then dump you both in the river.

Thugs exit, leaving Chainsaw and the guys behind.

Greg
So… Um… Chainsaw… I heard you like comics?

Chainsaw grunts and pulls out a comic book, which he begins to read. B begins wriggling in his seat.

Chainsaw
No escaping.

Brandon
Sorry sir.

EXT HDL – Steve and Hannah are waiting outside the shop. A van pulls up, and the thugs come out.
Steve
Hey guys. The shop’s not open yet. I guess the owners are still stocking the new stuff.

Thug #1
Oh, don’t worry. We’re here to help. Thug draws a gun. Get out of the way, fatso.

Steve
Oh balls. Another robbery?

Thug #1
I said out of the way!

Steve
Very well then. Steve steps to the side, and when the thugs go to break the door down, Steve pushes them and Hannah kicks them in the balls, taking their weapons.

Hannah
Looks like another robbery, Mordman. Tie them up and then figure out where Greg and Brandon are.

Steve
Yes fearless war-chief!

Cut to: A phone receiving a text message from Brandon. A hand reaches out, reads the message, and then grips the phone in an “action clench”.

INT Warehouse

Greg
We’re going to die, aren’t we?

Chainsaw
Yup. Most likely.

Greg sighs
Greg
I had a feeling it would end like this. Tied up while thugs steal my stuff.

Chainsaw
Funny how life works out that way, huh?

Brandon (whisper)
Don’t worry. I was able to send a text. That’s why I was wiggling.

Greg (whisper)
Fantastic! You sent a message to the police?
Brandon
You can do that??

Greg
Yeah, they set it up a couple years agoooowaitaminute. Who DID you text then?

Brandon
Um. Z?

Greg
Wha… Bu… How’s HE supposed to help?

Brandon
Just… I… I believe in him, okay? Just you wait. He’ll bust us out of here.

Greg
Yep. Gonna die.

Chainsaw
Hey! Shaddap! I’m tryin’ t’ read here-

Suddenly a foot flies in from off-screen and nails Chainsaw in the face! It’s Ezekiel!

Zeke
Hey guys! Got your message. What’s up?

Greg
Oh, you know, thugs wanted to murder us and take our comics. Thanks for the help.

Zeke
No problem. I wanted the new Spiderman anyway. Let’s get the comics loaded in the van before anyone else shows up.

EXT HDL. Zeke, Brandon, Greg, Hannah, and Steve are unloading the boxes from the back of the van.

Greg
Hey Brandon… Um… What are we going to do with the Coke?

Brandon
Hmm? Oh, don’t worry. I have an idea…

INT HDL Brandon and Greg are behind the counter, reading comics. The music on the radio cuts to a news report.


Radio
In today’s “News of the Weird”, the city of Spaska reports massive fish die offs as a result of over 100 lbs of cocaine being dumped in the waters recently.

Greg
Hey, pass me the clipboard. Thanks. So, what DID you do with all that cocaine anyway?

Brandon
Oh, I gave it to Gillis. He said he knew some people who could make use of it.

Gillis drives very fast past the shop, naked and listening to Irish folk music at 2X speed. He shouts something indecipherably Gaelic as he passes the shop.

Greg
Glad we washed our hands of that mess.

ROLL CREDITS